Tuesday, May 26, 2009

in a tizzy

There are a million emotions running through my head right now, all pertaining to engagements, weddings and babies, none of which are mine. I am trying to sort through them all, but I'm finding that I am not sure how to take some of it, if that makes any sense at all (unlikely). Of course, it doesn't help that last night, like a moth to a flame, I watched The Bachelorette followed by ABC's new (and ridiculous) show called Here Come the Newlyweds. I need to stop obsessing over something that some days, I feel like may never come (though I do know otherwise) because I hate the fact that I've become that girl.

Over the weekend, I learned that there will be a surprise 30th birthday party next month for one of my oldest and dearest friends. I want to be there with every part of me, and I am scrounging through my finances to see if it will allow (while deep down, I know it is unlikely). June is just the beginning of the next six months, full of weddings, bridal showers, family events, bachelorettes and such. Of course, the weekend before the 30th fiesta, we have wedding of the season numero uno, in Iowa, of course, where it is not exactly cheap to fly to. Maybe I am spoiled by having fantastic flights to Manchester via Southwest (I adore them, I do), so any flight, anywhere domestic, over $200 seems insanely expensive to me, when I do know it isn't, at all, in the least. It is days like this when I hate being so far from home and the ones who mean the most in this world.

Last night, I was jolted out of bed about 3am from a monstrous crack of thunder/lightning. I jumped about three feet in the air and never really got back to sleep after that. Being this tired causes me to think too much, and we all know that that's never good.


Anonymous said...

i think the notion of being "that girl" is such a tough one. i know at times i felt like i'd become that and i hated myself for it... then i realized that i wasn't being entirely fair to myself. because, really, "that girl" is a girl who wants to get married. that's it. that's the only goal. where as i(/you) want to marry the man you want to spend the rest of your life with... it seems subtle but it really is all the difference in the world.
just take it day by day and deal with it however you need to... nothing anyone else says can change how you feel, though sometimes it helps. but every situation is so entirely different that it's not fair for anyone else to judge you.

your heart is in the right place, this is obvious.
deep breaths.

Christy said...

I'm the same way - I hate paying more than $200 for a flight, period.

Do you have to attend them all? Can you wear the same dress to save money?

I hated that feeling of always the bridesmaid, never the bride. I think many more people than you realize will empathize. And seriously, you can probably miss more of them you think...an invitation does not equal a demand to attend.

Mel said...

Even though I have glimpses of hope b/c its not "RIGHT NOW" it still seems like a million years from now.

We need to have some Gchat about this, b/c I know exactly how you are feeling.

LiLu said...

I love the word "tizzy."

In other news, I am also "that girl", and I am one step away from making B that girl, too. ;-)

LindzML said...

Oof, sounds like an expensive six months! Your time will come, and you'll be a completely different "that girl". You'll be the one everyone's planning things for, and it's going to be amazing.