Tuesday, June 16, 2009

wedding, schmedding

A good friend of mine is getting married this fall and I am a member of the wedding party. Of course, I am thrilled for her and honored to have been asked to be a part of their day. As it turns out, she and her fiance are not paying for the wedding. The wedding is being paid for by her parents, with some assistance from his parents. They are not assisting in any way. How nice for them.

Her mother seems to want things a certain way, which is not how she and her fiance want things, but they are not telling them this. She's trying to avoid talking about most things, as she doesn't want to lose her cool and throw a fit. It seems that the constant wedding talk is also constant complaints and I just want to tell her how lucky she is that she doesn't have to worry about the bills. Of course though, I'm keeping quiet. Is it wrong of me to get annoyed each time she complains about what her mother wants, and what her mother says and such?


Mel said...

You get what you pay for... if you pay for nothing you get no choice.

I don't have the silver spoon in my mouth so I can pick any Target decorations I want! She get's no choice in her "insert fancy store here" decorations. Boo Hoo.

Anonymous said...

you are not wrong to be annoyed. we paid for pretty much everything for our wedding mostly because we wanted it to be OUR wedding and not someone else's. If your parents pay for it, of course they will have a say!

Katelin said...

i don't think you're wrong to be annoyed. i know that if my parents were paying for all of my wedding i would not complain, i'd work with them, but i couldn't complain too much.

but since i'm helping pay for my own wedding i think i'll have the right to complain at least a little bit :)

Melanie said...

I'm with you. A truly considerate mother would perhaps take more thought for her daughter's preferences (although that is next to impossible if she's not expressing herself), but when it really comes down to it, if the mother is paying, then she has the final say.

I'll bet that to some degree your friend realizes this, which is why she isn't saying much to her mom, but venting to you instead.

Anonymous said...

i think you just have to listen and change/avoid the topic as muhc as possible.

everyone has different opinions on these things, for me the parent's paying is a blessing and a curse... while i would love to not bear the entire financial burden ourselves (as we are) we're definitely conceding on a few things for my overopinionated mom anyway so some finances toward those things would be awesome!

i've known friends of friends whose parents paid for their wedding and they got everything exactly how they wanted it... i guess it depends on how much you are willing to protest and how accomodating your folks are. but the more common case seems to be that of "my money my decision"... hell, i've mumbled that a few times myself : )

Christy said...

Why are you keeping quiet? I wouldn't be able to. You can say almost anything with a smile on your face!

The Northerner said...

My parents were really cool about everything planning related. The only thing where they definitely had control was the guest list. They invited way more people than I would have cared for, but luckily since it was in NC, no one I did not know attended the wedding :)

La Petite Belle said...

i don't think it's wrong for you to feel annoyed. It's never wrong for you to "feel" anything because they are feelings and you can't control what you feel, but you can control what you do about the feelings. I wouldn't say anything, I think this is a pretty common scenario in situations where parents pay for the wedding.

Jess said...

No, it's not wrong. When your parents foot the bill, they get input. That's how it works.

Sommelier0124 said...

hmmm... I am of 2 minds on this one. Having been the one vented to before (in the same situation) I find it really annoying that people can't always see how good they have go it.

On the other hand; I now find myself in the same situation! My parents are footing the majority of the bill for our wedding. Mostly as we are doing it at my uncle's restaurant so the cost to us total is about 50% less than a regular wedding. So you think I would be estatic about not having to pay for alot.

Except I am not. I almost wish I were paying for at least half of it so I could veto some ideas/ suggestions people give me. Aka- Scott and I are paying so its gonna be/ gonna go .... And because we are not paying there is ENORMOUS pressure to make everyone happy. Which means alot of comprimose on almost every detail.

So many brides end up feeling that this is counterproductive. You're not paying for it so you should be able to get what you want right?

In our case; yes there was some little stress but we laugh it off because when it comes down to it- IT IS ONE DAY. We can't wait for our lives together to begin- not what type of flowers/ invitations to get.

So I guess if you can remind this bride of that last point; maybe she will stop whining. If she doesn't; tell her its a recession and to suck it up!

Sommelier0124 said...

and wow I suck- massive typos above forgive me!