Monday, June 8, 2009

home sweet home?

Saturday morning was typical- sleep in a bit, put away clean dishes that had dried overnight, tidy up apartment, etc. Suddenly, it occured to me that June 1 marked four years of my living in my apartment. That somehow was the strangest thought to me (partly because that means that July 4 is FIVE years that I've lived in DC!). 

First of all, when I moved into this apartment, I certainly didn't expect that I'd stay here for four years. It's small- it's an efficiency/studio (what is the difference, seriously?). When you walk in the door, there is one large (ha) room. On the left is a small closet and on the right is a large walk-in closet. On the same wall as the walk-in, is the bathroom, and just after the bathroom is another very small room that I call the nook. It's not large enough to be terribly useful; but that is where my dresser lives. On the left wall is the kitchen, but it's a galley kitchen- you walk through a doorway to get there. The apartment faces the front of the building and I have four large windows, which is very nice, as they let in a lot of light and I face the street, including a bus stop and a small park and jungle gym. The apartment has hardwood floors, crown molding around the doorways and a built-in cabinet in the kitchen. Inside, it's a cute little apartment, but the outside begs to differ. 

It's an older building and needs a lot of work, but of course, management doesn't do anything to keep up with it. To be honest, I am embarrassed to have people here, because I find it so horrendous looking. Plus, there is the issue that I've mentioned before, about the raise in crime in the area. Awesome. 

I'm sure you're thinking "hmmm Lexilooo, why not move into the house that your boyfriend bought last fall and live with him?" I know, I think it too. For a long, long time, I thought that is was best (for me personally, not in general) to wait until marriage to live together. Honestly though? I didn't think that four years later, I'd still be living in my little apartment, sans sparkle on that all important finger. Moving in here, we'd been together for not quite a year, so it wasn't even a thought in my mind to live with him. I figured we'd see where the relationship went. Here it is, seemingly the same (not exactly, but you know what I mean). Four years ago, when I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage, he seemed fine with it. Now, when my mind may have changed a bit and maybe I want to live with him, he seems to think it's better to wait. For what? I don't know. I feel like my life has become one big waiting game and I don't like it. 

So what to do? Do I look for a new apartment, a bigger one, where I could have a puppy and a sewing machine and people over for wine and cheese? Or, do I stay where I am now and continue to wait for something better, with le boy?


Christy said...

Well I don't know you well at all, but I'll tell you what I would do in your shoes. You're in your twenties right? I would start searching for a new apartment pronto - preferably with a six month lease option. AND have a very important serious talk with yourself about where you want the relationship with your boyfriend to go. Once you have that all figured out - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with him? Why, Etc? Not just the wedding - the life afterward. Then have a talk with him to make sure you're on the same page.

But really - do what you want to do! That's just what I would do. :)

magda said...

Ah, the waiting place. I hate that place. Just remember that it's only temporary.

That said, I'd go forward and move. I like the 6month option from Christy. You could move to Old Town! It would be marvelous! The thing is, you have to live for YOU. You can't just live in this limbo for what's coming. The waiting place is a place to rest, not a place to exist. Do some of the things you want, like hosting parties and sewing and parenting puppies. You will see that these things can either coexist with the boyfriend, and will transition to that next step ... or, if he turns out to be a jerk and I have to kill him, you won't be left with a sucky studio in a waiting-place crime zone. THAT would be just miserable.

Live for YOU. Keep the future in mind, but hasn't this waiting gone on long enough? Take charge! You deserve a life, a chance for your interests, too. He has his, in his house. His loss, in a big way, for not inviting you in. But that's no reason for you to suffer in the meantime!


Sommelier0124 said...

I agree with Magda- live your life for you no one else. It's not an easy lesson to learn (trust me on this one) but it is the best thing you could ever do.

Get that new bigger apartment that you want, get a puppy/ sewing room/ glorious wine rack that makes people swoon with envy. Get everything that you have wanted for yourself that you have been putting off. Most importantly make sure it makes you happy. Then just enjoy your place. Have friends over- make it your haven.

In fact revel in your haven. Because it is yours; no one elses. And that can be a wonderful thing. So just embrace it - and leave Steve to worry if you're gonna ditch his new digs for your own styling place!

Maris said...

I didn't even read the other comments because it probably would have swayed me but what I would do is make sure the boy knows you're interested in/thinking of being interested in moving in. Not to tell him that you WANT to but just so that he knows you're not totally anti.

In the meantime, look for apartments and look for PUPPIES. Yes! Puppies! Hehe and just go about your life and everything will fall into place.

Part of me wants to say 'move in with him' but it sounds like you have a nice little thing going on your own and if it's not broken, don't fix it...yet!