Thursday, June 19, 2008

sigh

Remember that Def Leppard song, "Two Steps Behind?" That is more or less how I am feeling lately...not behind someone, per se, but behind something...

Last night I set my alarm before bed, as I always do. I noticed that I had two bars of power, rather then three, but figured I was okay. Yeah, not so much. The battery died overnight and the phone shut itself off, causing the alarm to not go off. I was in the middle of a dream, which I still remember much of (don't get me talking about that!) when I woke up in a start, blinked and looked around and had no idea where I was. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 8:23am.

Yeah, oooops.

I just feel like I can't get ahead. I'm working on a second Masters degree. I have some really interesting job experience, in various capacities, and nobody ever seems to call me back about the resumes I send out. I am more then qualified for nearly everything I apply for. It's so frustrating to me. I certainly didn't expect to have my dream job by now, but I don't think its too much to ask to be slightly challenged and happy with your current job.

I just don't like how these things constantly affect my mood. I go between blissfully happy one day to miserable the next. My classes are wonderful, I love being there and hearing the discusssions that are taking place. I feel inspired by what people say and by the things I read. Then I wake up the next morning and realize that I have to go to work, rather then do the things I want to, like build libraries in Albania. Now that is worthwhile.

I used to be a happy person. Now I feel so cynical most of the time. I don't know what happened to that idealistic little girl along the way.

You can run but you can never hide, from the shadow that's creepin' up inside you....

4 comments:

Katelin said...

you can do it. we all go through those bummed out fits, but eventually it'll pass.

and my alarm has definitely shut off on me before too, not always the best way to start the day, haha.

La Petite Belle said...

I think we all go through times like that- I wonder too the same things you wonder, I guess growing up makes us this way. And I loooove Def Leppard. Especially Love Bites. My all time favorite!!!!!!!!!

L Sass said...

What a rotten start to a Friday. I hope the day picks up for you, because-WEEKEND!!!

La Petite Chic said...

A second Master's degree? I'm impressed!!