Wednesday, December 30, 2009

a proposal, or lack thereof

Okay, I have a confession. I fear that I've turned into one of those girls. The ones that I scoffed at, thought were ridiculous and told myself that I would never become.

I'm talking about the girls who become crazy and obsessed with becoming engaged. You see, Steve and I have been together for more than five years and we are not engaged and do not live together. For a long time, it didn't bother me, because I knew it was coming. I said that I didn't want to live with him until we were married, but frankly, I never thought it would be five years later and no engagement. While I still do know that it is coming, I am beginning to get very frustrated with both him and myself, but mostly myself for letting myself get so crazy about it, because I swore I'd never let myself get this way (whoa, way too many "myselfs" in a row...).

Like I said, we talk about it, and I know it is coming, but I need to make myself stop focusing on this so much, the lack of a ring and keep in mind that he loves me and it will happen and that is the important thing. I tell myself not to bring it up, and sometimes I am very good. Sometimes though, I am not so good and something will pop out of my mouth before I realize it. Luckily, he doesn't seem to be bothered by this- he's so easy going, he just lets it slide, but I will admit, that sometimes I let it get the better of me and I turn into a crying, girly, ridiculous mess, and that my friends, isn't pretty and isn't the girl that I want to be.

So, any ideas on how I can stop the focusing on the bad and remember all of the good things about my relationship? There are plenty, and I know this. I know how much he loves and cares about me and that he does want to be with me when the time is right, which will be soon enough, when I stop acting like a crazy girl!

If you were together for a while before an engagement, did you act a little crazy sometimes? How did you keep your head together and not let your heart take over?


Anonymous said...

oh boy does this sound familiar
i'm afraid i've got nothing helpful here, we all know i lost it at the end. i was a total mess, i was the epitomy of that girl i mocked that i never wanted to be... i couldn't help myself. there were definitely periods of time i was able to drop the craziness, focus on how happy i was in the relationship and why i wanted to marry him so badly... but those times were usually sandiwched with the crazy crying mess of a girl i became.
i still wish we'd married sooner... years sooner : )
i'm no help, i know. just remember why you want to be with him and realize that if you do push it too much too often you may lose him entirely and being with him not engaged is better than not being with him at all (that always helped me relax for a while)
good luck!

Jennifer said...

My fiance and myself were together for 6.5 years before we got engaged!!! Although, I am younger than a lot of people when they get engaged (21), he is older than me and we had been together a long time and I was READY!!! Around 5.5 years I started getting really antsy, plus working at a jewelry store selling engagement rings everyday did not help the situation. So, I dropped hint after hint about rings I liked and sales and stuff. Then he bought the ring, and I knew it because we went and looked together for it. It wasn't that huge romantic surprisal of what the ring looks like, but I didn't care because I got to pick it out with him and that was romantic. So, then I had to wait for the proposal. He bought the ring in March 2008, and we did not get engaged until May 2009!!! I was going crazy knowing he had it and that we were not engaged yet! I think I made him mad at times at how much I wanted the proposal. I would just get caught up in the moment of my sadness and anxiety and say things that made him feel bad and the hinting drove him nuts. And I cried and cried and cried all the time, not around him usually, but all the time. When I watched a movie with a wedding in it, on the holidays, etc. I was just so ready. But then it happened and he had waited because he wanted it to be a surprise and it was! Plus he wanted to wait until we could be closer to a point in our life where we could financially afford marriage and had jobs and such. I imagine he is probably just waiting until you least expect it. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you. I am sure that he is just trying to find the most perfect time to do it. If you ever want a shoulder to cry on though, email me because I have been there!!!

Black Labs and Lilly said...

I wish I had some better input to give, but this actually runined a relationship for me. The best advice I have is to take a really really REALLY good look at the relationship and figure out why a proposal hasn't happend yet. What are you both waiting for? Are there goals that he wants to meet first, goals you want to meet? I think its so important to have a firm understanding of what is holding the commitment back, you also need to decide if marriage is something that you want no matter what, like would you be happy staying together if he is just never ready to propose?

Kirsty said...

you need to propose to him Lexi!!! xx

olivia rae said...

awww! love this post, so honest. happy i discovered your blog! xoxo

Mel said...

I call bullshit. Not on you. on him. gchat?